by Faye DresnerIn the two plus decades I’ve been working in nonprofits, rarely have I come across a really life-changing leadership development experience. Peruse the literature and you will find a mind boggling number and variety of definitions of leadership and ways to develop it.
While I agree that there are many ways to define leadership and myriad ways to develop the skills to be a leader, there is only one ingredient in leadership development whose importance is absolutely irrefutable, and that’s knowing yourself. In David Ryback’s book
Putting Emotional Intelligence to Work, he says that “In the twenty-first century, the criteria for leadership will be not only knowledge and experience, but also healthy self-esteem and sensitivity to others’ feelings.” I contend that a high degree of personal insight is just as if not more important.
Ryback goes on to say that “The emotionally intelligent executive knows how to create instant rapport with practically anyone. She’s confident, self assured…[and these types of executives are] adept at reading the unspoken, collective feelings of the teams they oversee.” What Ryback doesn’t say, is that in most people those talents aren’t in-born. And they’re next to impossible to develop without a significant awareness of and ability to understand your own feelings and thoughts.
Think about it – if you are deaf to the subconscious messages you give yourself (and we all do), i.e. I’m not smart enough, innovative enough, confident enough, etc. how can you tell your unspoken feelings from that of your employees? Setting aside your emotions to consider another’s takes a consciousness of what you’re feeling and a willingness to delay addressing it to deal with someone else’s feelings. Not for the faint of heart.
There are so many examples of how a lack of awareness impacts the ability to lead. I had a mentor that told me once that we tend to see in others those negative qualities that we don’t like about and want to disavow in ourselves. Imagine how difficult it would be to manage or lead an employee whom you can’t stand being around? Try this interesting exercise – think about those employees that aggravate you the most and why. Then consider whether or not those qualities are ones you possess. Ask your trusted advisors who are willing to level with you to help you with this exercise. You might be surprised at what you learn. If nothing else, you’ll see those troublesome employees in a different light.
Lance Secretan, one of the leading thinkers on leadership said, “Leadership is not so much about technique and methods as it is about opening the heart. Leadership is about inspiration—of oneself and of others. Great leadership is about human experiences, not processes. Leadership is not a formula or a program, it is a human activity that comes from the heart and considers the hearts of others. It is an attitude, not a routine.”
Opening your heart and thus becoming an effective leader is a conscious, intentional process that takes effort, persistence and a willingness to examine your thoughts, motives and emotions. Self -awareness is the first step in transformation so if you are interested in becoming a better leader or manager, the process starts with you. While it may not always be smooth or easy, the rewards of self-awareness and the ability to exercise emotional intelligence are well worth it for you as a leader and for those with whom you work.
Faye Dresner
Faye Dresner is the founder of Dresner Consulting, LLC which she started to help tap the power of nonprofits and philanthropists to affect change. For over two decades, Faye has served in director-level positions with a variety of nonprofits which has taught her that when a person finds work that is personally fulfilling and life enhancing, both employer and employee benefit.
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