Is the Employer Just Not That Into You? – Dating Tips for a Successful Interview

By Chelle Shell

Does this sound familiar? “I have had 6 interviews in the last few months and have not had an offer yet. What am I doing wrong?” This is one of the most common questions I am asked by job seekers so rest assured you’re not alone.

Interviewing these days is a very tedious process and it sometimes seems like employers are purposely putting you through the ringer for no reason. This is not true. Keep in mind if you have even been considered for a phone interview in this day and time you are one in a group of several hundred if not thousands and you better be prepared. Prepared you ask? What exactly does that entail? Seriously, if you asked that question then there’s the problem. If you say, “I’ve been more than prepared and I’ve practiced and I have rehearsed over and over” then that also may be your issue.

HR / hiring managers have heard it all. I know this because I’ve been there. Interviewing is as painful for them as it is for you and they usually know within the first few minutes if you are going to qualify for the next phase of this treacherous process. You may look great on paper but on a phone interview or an in-person interview you better bring it and it needs to be natural, not rehearsed and scripted like you are George W. Bush reading queue cards during a State of the Union speech.

In my years of recruiting my friends and family didn’t quite understand exactly what I did. They referred to me as a head hunter. I only wished it was that simple. The only way I could make them understand in laymen’s terms what I did was to tell them that I was like a matchmaker for employers and job seekers and then it all made sense.

You also need to think this way. Imagine your first interview as a first date (unless you’ve never had a date and then I’m at a loss for you). Your date doesn’t really meet “you” they meet your representative. Chances are your “date” is as uncomfortable and as unsure as you are. You have to feel out their personality and mirror it. You don’t want to be fake but you do want to hold back a bit until you see how their personality is. You want to listen to what they have to say before you just start talking willy nilly. It’s probably also a good idea to have pen and paper for notes. Hopefully this isn’t your only date and notes will help you narrow it down when offers start to come in.

You will get your turn to ask questions when the time is right. The more uncomfortable and insecure you seem the more uncomfortable your “date” will be. Be courteous and polite but not stiff. Be prepared to answer questions about your past and about your challenges and your successes. Be ready to answer what interested you about agreeing to this first date with them and also the dreaded question about what happened to your last “partnership”. No matter how horrible your last or past relationships were, NEVER complain or bad mouth them and nor should you play the “victim”. Your answers to these first few questions are crucial. If you answer these questions incorrectly not much else you say will redeem you and if you seem undateable it’s over. You are not the only person interested in this “date” or you wouldn’t be there either.

In most situations the HR / hiring manager will let you know what the protocol of hiring is such as if there is a phone screening and then how many rounds of interviewing you will have to tackle. And if they don’t inform you of their process don’t you dare blink an eye. It’s just like many cultures, you may have to go on your first date with your counterpart’s mother or chaperone and if you’re interested in going to the next level you better like it!

After you have listened attentively and answered all of your date’s inquiries then it will probably be your turn to ask questions but keep it light. Don’t come out of the gate with “So are you at a place in your life that you’re ready to get married and have kids.” Ask breezy questions such as, is this a new position or are you replacing someone? How long was the previous person here?” “Are you looking to fill this position immediately?” “How would you describe the culture of your organization?” If your date doesn’t offer the chance to ask questions, it is appropriate for you to say something like, “If you have time I had a few questions about this opening I would like to ask.” Note: if they don’t offer you the option to ask them questions then they probably already know you’re not a fit but it won’t hurt for you to ask permission. It will be good practice for your next date.

Now don’t get me wrong, there may be situations where YOU know in the first few minutes that this person isn’t dateable. If and when you encounter this then you are polite and get through the date as painless as possible. It’s ok to tell someone that you appreciate the opportunity but it just doesn’t seem to be a match but never burn bridges. You may meet this person’s best friend down the road and if you’re not nice and don’t handle the situation in the correct manner you can mess up future prospects. Remember it’s a small world and referrals are vital.

If you make it through the first round of questions and you feel pretty good don’t get anxious and try to move in for the big kiss on the first date. Take it slow. Even if he/she acts like they want you to, it may be a test and don’t fall for it. Holding back and being respectful will leave them wanting more. Don’t get this confused with being arrogant or cocky. There is a very fine line here because this is also where you can ruin a perfect evening. Going in for the kiss, especially if you’ve already established there will be a second date, could ruin it all.

Let me translate here so you’re clear on this and not confused. Don’t tell the HR / Hiring Manager you are expecting $X amount of dollars, 3 weeks paid vacation and a window office with a view. That, I promise you, is premature. The perfect end to a great date is establishing you both had a great time, there was a bit of chemistry there and there will be another encounter to see if a match will be made. If this happens I bet you meet the family on the next date!

About the Author
Michelle “Chelle” Shell has worked in management for over 14 years in positions ranging from recruitment to public relations. In her current role as Client Development Manager for Opportunity Knocks she assists national nonprofit organizations and recruitment agencies connect with talented, qualified nonprofit professionals and HR management solutions. Chelle is active in her transitioning neighborhood association as well as local tennis associations. She is also a Board Member of ANP, Atlanta Nonprofit Professionals.

For questions and/or comments for Chelle please click on “comments” below and start typing away. Many of you have the same concerns and this will allow you to read what others have to say as well as help the masses. And don’t worry, you don’t have to identify yourself if you would like to remain anonymous.