To Care or Not to Care
By Trinity Laurino
Like many, I waited tables through college. I can’t say I was very good at it which surprised me. I was bubbly, bright and energetic. Weren’t those all good qualities for a waitress? I did know a man named Julius who was an excellent waiter. He was not bubbly or even all that energetic, yet Julius waited tables with the grace and ease of a dancer performing only for himself. He was unflappable in a crisis which in high volume restaurants occur nightly. Julius was the master of the upsell, always convincing the customer of the superior quality of the 25 year-old scotch. He had expert timing and knew when to interject himself and more importantly when not to. His tips were a clear reflection of his skill and expertise and I wanted to know his secrets. The answer I got flew in the face of everything my 20 year-self had been taught.
Julius told me the secret to his success was simply not to care. “You care too much” he told me, “You’re bothered if that couple over there doesn’t have a good time and that’s your problem. Me, I don’t care one way or the other. I bring them their food and I move on.”
This was shocking to me. I had always believed in having a passion for your work - whatever the work may be. I believed if you put your heart into your work, it would show and success and happiness would follow. And what employer has ever said, “I want someone who is dispassionate about what we do.” Yet here was someone who’d achieved a recognizable mastery at his profession by not caring about it at all. Could caring be limiting?
As a non-profit professional, there’s a good chance you do care about your work. There’s a good chance you are passionate about your work. No one works in this sector for the money. Non-profit professionals want to have integrated lives in which core beliefs and careers align. When your work is connected to deeply held beliefs, it can be hard not to be passionate. But could it be helpful to divorce yourself from that passion, especially during a job hunt?
Searching for that next great organization and meaningful position can be an emotional journey. Each opportunity presents itself as an alternate vision of the future. It can be easy to get caught up imagining the new position, the good you’d do for the organization, for the mission, for the people you’d serve in that role, and becoming emotionally invested in a job before you even have it. I’m guilty. I’ve lead meetings, innovated practices, dazzled and impressed executives and boards - all inside my head, awake at night envisioning what I would do in the position I just interviewed for. While that’s certainly exciting, if the offer doesn’t materialize, you’re setting yourself up for a devastating disappointment. Or even if you do get the job and the reality falls short of your vision, it can lead to disillusionment. Who needs that kind of emotional roller coaster? Those highs and lows can burn a person out before a job hunt ever gets off the ground.
This is where I think Julius is right. Caring too much at the wrong time is limiting. I ardently believe that being passionate about your field, about your life’s work is good but learning to disconnect from that passion can provide much needed perspective especially during periods of change that are naturally stressful.
For Julius, waiting tables wasn’t his life or even his life’s work. It was a means to an end; a support for the things in which he did find joy and meaning and a job hunt is much the same. Finding your next position can feel like a full time job in itself but it’s important to remember the search is not the same as your life’s work and will not last forever. It’s the means to getting to do your life’s work and practicing a little dispassion about it could be the way to have that easy grace and confidence that will end up getting you the offer so you can get back to the good work you believe in so passionately.
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Stacy Edey possesses 10+ years of Leadership, Professional Writing and Human Resources experience. She earned a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Management with a concentration in Human Resource Management from Capital University in Columbus, Ohio. She later matriculated at Antioch University McGregor in Yellow Springs, Ohio where she received a Master of Arts Degree in Management. Ms. Edey acquired a PHR (Professional in Human Resources) Certification from the Human Resources Certification Institute, a CLRL (Certified Labor Relations Leader) from The Michigan State University and is a professional member of SHRM (Society for Human Resource Management). To contact Stacey, e-mail her at 
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